I dig Gordon Mah Ung. Let me get that out of the way first. Secondly, I dig his magazine and his unabashed hatred for all Apple products. I get it, and for the most part, I do too. I still have my Blackberry Torch (and it sucks) but I will be migrating to a new brand of phone sometime this summer. The only thing that keeps me from Apple, is getting caught up in the Apple production loop of nonsensical iterations, and the beyond annoying inclusion of features that should have been released on day 1. I too, will probably have a pile of iPhones within a few years that make great dust collectors or ashtrays. Unbelievable.

Anyway.

I was reading Gordon’s “From the Editor” piece in this month’s Maximum PC, the gist of the read was that some folks claim that Windows is irrelevant, and being such a staunch PC advocate, Gordon jumped all over it, but his point that Vista out sold Apple and Linux as a claim to back that up, caught my eye.

The argument is not MSFT’s or the relevance of Windows, but how MSFT has clearly missed the boat with phones, MP3 players, tablets and Vista, which was an absolute debacle on every level imaginable, except that it led to the beautifully constructed Windows 7. Of coarse it out sold the above mentioned, purely based on the number of people with PC’s and because folks were excited for something new, XP was getting long in the tooth, and Vista was all nice and shiny looking. As it turned out, Vista was the rabbit from Monty Python and the Holy Grail! RUN AWAY! Anyway, fuck Vista, that’s old news, and 7 made up for it. More reason that MSFT should improve on what worked.

Here are my major concerns and gripes:

PLATFORM
1) Windows 8 across all platforms and devices. As much as Windows 7 was intuitive and easy to navigate, Windows 8 is, at this point, a horror show. To thrust a new release across everything is confusing and an absolute failure. The Metro OS should be solely reserved for phones and tablets ONLY, while Windows 8 remains the PC constant. I would NEVER deploy 8 into a corporate, multi-node environment, it’s too clumsy and the features are not conducive for business platforms, or for most individual users also. As a tablet and touch OS, Windows 8 shows promise, BUT it would need to be crafted to a more simpler OS rather than having all the desktop features included. You can’t have both MSFT, and by doing so, by forcing this bastard child of touch, tablet, desktop, work, play, apps, Charms, mouse, keyboard, and a screwy revamped Start Menu, disaster LOOMS, and MSFT is shooting themselves (and the end user) in the face with a Benelli M4 Super 90 combat shotgun. Instead of Windows “reimagined” MSFT should consider “reimagining” its current OS production and deployment plans. Take one step at a time, first by not trying to land the knockout punch all at once, and God knows what Windows 8 Server is going to look like. In conclusion: THE TABLET AND THE DESKTOP SHOULD HAVE TWO TOTALLY DIFFERENT OPERATING SYSTEMS PERIOD, but be able to work seamlessly with each other.

MARKETING
2) MSFT’s marketing campaign is an utter abomination. When you see an Apple commercial they accentuate the “WOW” features that makes people drool and think, “I HAVE TO HAVE THAT!” Microsoft, on the other hand, promotes NONE of their software’s useful and innovative features. “I’m a Windows PC?” WHAT? That’s it? Dude, quit apologizing for Vista, get some balls, and show off the intuitive and extremely “WOW” features of Windows 7:

a) HomeGroup
b) ALT + TAB/ing
c) Seamless WiFi Connections
d) Easy WiFi Printer Setup
e) Themes
f) Revamped Security Measures
g) Tabbed Browsing
h) Step Recorder
i) Snipping Tool
j) Backup & Restore
k) Microsoft Security Essentials
l) XP Mode
m) Libraries
n) Windows Media Center
o) Peak Performance Improvements
p) Pinned Tasks & Jump Lists
q) Taskbar Thumbnail Previews
r) Windows Search
s) Snap
t) Play To and Remote Media Streaming
u) Full 64 bit Support
…to name a few.
Note: I deal with people in the field all day, every day, and I have first hand experience with hundreds of end users that are literary awed when I show them just a few of the above, that they never knew those things existed is a major fail, everyday features that makes their Windows computing experience more personal and convenient.

The Windows 7 Phone commercials were even worse: “Windows Phone lets you get back to doing the things you want,” like NOT using your phone, and the guy jumping out of an airplane, taking pictures, whose chute fails to open, and his “buddy” wants to move in on his babe! WHAT? REALLY? REALLY? How is that nightmare ad supposed to make me want to buy a Windows Phone? It just pisses me off.

Microsoft is trying way too hard to get people to like them, like an overly sensitive and clingy suitor, whom you take advantage of emotionally, then ultimately end up hating. Apple is smug, pissed off and doesn’t give a shit …that’s why we want it so bad. Microsoft needs to amp up its asshole a tad.

What does all this have to do with Ung’s article? Nothing, really. Unless one considers inspiration …nothing. It just got me thinking is all.

Lastly: “Zune” …really? Zune? With all the infinite resources at MSFT’s disposal, Zune was the best they could do? So, the MP3 team sitting at the huge oak table, on the white board with the last five names on display, they picked Zune? Then some douche said, “Hell yeah, Zune …let’s go with that!” ANY NAME would have been better:
1) Cosmos
2) GoPlayer
3) Mobius
4) Aurality
5) Led Zeppelin
Well, those probably suck too.